Sunday, June 1, 2008

Who is a friend?

Something happened to me today. I am still trying to decide if it is grave or just something I should get over already.
A year ago I used to date this boy, I take responsibility for the fact that even if I like to blame my friends a lot that their pressure pushed me to date him, I still liked him in my own way. Maybe on a normal good day, it wasn’t enough for me to date him but I still did. We broke up a month after, well in my mind we did but officially it was until three months later because I was home for the summer holidays and he was in school taking summer classes.
I though that was water under the bridge until when a close male friend of mine(who is also his friend) asked me if he(my ex ) was dating my friend( lets call her lady).
I answered in the negative because to the best of my knowledge they weren’t dating and I felt if either of them liked each other I would have known or the would have told me namely lady would have told me because she is my friend.

Well turns out… it is true! They are indeed dating each other!
Am happy for them truly I am but it turns out again that another of my friend who isn’t in the same place as us knows but she didn’t want to let me know because she didn’t know what my reaction would be like. That has me thinking, why would I react another way, I mean that’s why he’s ex, no longer in my life… no more feelings… but I think they were thinking to the contrary.

Well as the story goes, lady didn’t tell me about them, my ex didn’t either (even though we are quite friendly with each other and he tells me about other girls).
Then this got me thinking that maybe what they did, in their eyes, its wrong?

Am not too sure what is wrong or right here because in my honest opinion, I don’t care who he goes out with, but my other friends are telling me its wrong for her to go out with him, like its an unspoken rule for girls, never date your friend’s exs’ or crushes.

I don’t really mind but the fact that they have gone to such lengths to hide it from me is beginning to make alarm bells go off in my head and lately lady hasn’t been hanging out with me. Never a day went by where she didn’t come to my room or call me. Now, I hardly even get her on the phone when I call her, I have called her twice to come visit her and she always tells me she’s away and insist she would come see me instead. Well now that I know she was indeed hiding something.
And my ex, well lately too… he’s been kind of cold towards me… just even barely being civil to each other... I didn’t want to make too a big deal about it but now that I know this, should I?

Everyone tells me to act like I don’t know until they tell me themselves... but is that the right thing to do? Do I even have the right to expect them to tell me anything considering that they owe me no explanations or do they?

Am quite confused and don’t want to act in a manner that would jeopardize my relationship with either of them, am quite clear in my feelings regarding both of them…
My ex: I couldn’t be bothered really. I wish him the best.
For my friend: am kind of disappointed she didn’t tell me because she confides in me about other stuff… so it’s this hidey attitude the have about it that has got me questioning…


Dammy said...

Personally, I don't find it right when you very good friend decides to pitch her tent with your ex. For me I would take that as a breach of friendship. I might be wrong but it is just my opinion.

Since you don't want your ex again, I would suggest you either let it remain as it is until they an gather the nerve to tell you and if they don't get to tell you, just let it go!

Tairebabs said...

I have to say in my opinion I would hate for any of my close friends to date my ex. I guess some people will say am immature in that thinking since it's over but that's just me...they should find another man.

But since your friend is already dating him, I think you have to ask yourself if you really want the friendship. If you do, then I advice you bringit up casually with your girlfriend. Let her know you think it's not a big deal...but for me I couldn't handle it even if am no longer interested.

Afrobabe said...

I think you should let them know you know and wish them all the best..
To the best of my knowledge those things don’t last anyway but don’t indulge in the games they are playing… Keep it nice and airy…

ejura said...

Hmmm, life's a picture-nothing's exactly black and white. I'm thinking that at first they were scared to tell u cos they were afraid it wud hurt you but then the game's carried on so long they've both gotten tangled in it.
Whose to say who anyone falls in love with?
That said, i agree with afrobabe. Let them know you know and let their relationship blossom into what it ought to be-a flower or a weed.

Thanks for stopping by mine.

zara said...

thanx everyone.. everyone's basically saying the same thing. let em know nicely and as be as aloof as possible.. yeah like tairebabs said.. even though i dont care anymore.. dat doesnt make it rite...

Aijay said...

Hi Zara,

I totally agree with Afrobabe.