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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

NOSTALGIA

Am nostalgic. What brought about this feeling?? Am not so sure but I guess it has to do wiv a telephone converstation I had with my high school friend just the other night. I was feeling quite merry it being Christmas and all so I felt well lemme get in contact with my friends form time immemorial. Sent texts to others and called this particular one. It was nice talking to him cos I have been promising to call for sometime now but I never got around to doin it so I was proud of my self when I finally did. We r talking next thing it delves into our high school years and people’s perception of us. I was thought to be the geek. Not a major surprise cos I am not the most social person on earth.
He’s talking about all the guys I had crushes on(how come it was such public knowledge cos apparently everyone knew lol, anyway its history now) lol

And then comes the time in ss1 when I got into a misunderstanding wiv my very close friend and her boyfriend. I was quite naïve at that time and didn’t know that goin up classroom with a guy after school hrs meant u guys where up to something. I was quite close to him( the bf lets call him papa). I was close to papa so when he asked me to go up to classroom that he wanted to talk to me I felt it was something important cos I was like tell me here he was like nah. So I went next thing some other guy in my class(G) comes in and am like hey “where is papa”? he’s like wud be rite here. Then he seats real close to me am quite uncomfortable and he’s breathing hard and he asks if he can touch my boobs!!!!!......

In my mind I was like” wait! Stop! Is this guy for real??? My boobs??? For wat reason on earth??
Out loud I was like ‘ NO”!!
G: ‘why’?
Me: (duhhh!!) out loud, ‘cos I don’t go down like that”!!
G; ‘but u wud let J do it to u’? j is the guy I was crushing at the time.
Me: ‘why wud I do that’?/
G: ‘well cos u have a crush on him’
Me; how did u know?
G ; everyone knows
Me:( oh damn) then wiv a brave face ‘ no I wudnt let him cos I just don’t go down like that’

At that time, I was 14 with a size 34c boob I was just getting used to the male folk always staring at my chest. It was very uncomfortable because I felt wat the hell are the looking at nd then here is my mate who wants to do this horrible thing to me.. I was thinking God how did I get into this mess??? Well his sister comes looking for him and he leaves without doin anything.. then papa comes in and asks me wat did G say? And am ranting goin on like can u imagine he said he wanted to touch my boobies?? And he starts laffing and am like its not funny u better stop.. he now says ahh he’s crazy anyways I stood up to leave and we r goin out next thing he acts like he bumps into me and grazes my boobs then he goes ‘oh am sorry! So sorry! Didn’t meant to do that! It was a mistake, pls forgive me pls say u forgive me pls pls?’

I brush it off and we leave next thing I know its goin round the school that I had something with my friend’s boyfriend(papa) I cudnt believe my ears.. my friend whose boyfriend it was called me, my other firend’s called me.. people were just running around with whole gist with me as the butt of the joke.. and being put down by everyone like who cud she have done that!! I felt disoriented like wtf???

I call her, tell her everything that happened and she was like nahh its ok she believes me she doesn’t think I wud do anything like that… alas.. lil did I know she didn’t and was just stringing me along! We resume school the next term.. I seee the way people are looking at me but I try to keep my head up.. that’s when I become studious and a geek cos there was lil else to be social for like people have these sneer on their faces wen ur name comes up cos they feel ure a whore or ure tainted. I try to be strong but it was hard and I stop talking to papa and G and then in my third term two terms later… papa calls me, I refuse to go but my friend says I shud just go.. I went and he said he wanted to apologize for wat he did.. dat he led people to believe otherwise, a lie when he knew that wasn’t the truth. I acted like I didn’t know wtf he was talking about and walked off!

In my ss2, a year some months after this whole shenanigan had gone down, my friend calls me at home one day and tells me that she just wanted me to know that she has forgiven me for what happened that it was until recently that she found out the truth that I didn’t actually do anything.. and that she had hated me all this while and she’s sorry and she just wanted me to know. Wow! And I thot she forgave me a long while ago eventhough I didn’t do anything! Hmmmmm… that got me thinking.. well to cut a long story short.. we aren’t as close as we once were and at the last time I spoke wiv papa he was still trying to get together wiv me…

Talking about it yday wiv my friend(the guy who brought the story up) got me really sad .. cos I realised how naïve I used to be then.. and because of my naivete I got into something that onli word of mouth could determine the truth.. no hard proof!

We got talking about lots of other things that went down with me and others and I realised the following
1) if everyone was gonna be given a chance to erase their past.. half the world population wud take it me included
2) since we cant do that, we can onli learn to live wiv our mistakes
3) whether or not I run away from trouble it would find me if it was determined so the best thing is to face it head on
4) I hAD better gotten used to girls feeling threatened when am around their bfs
5) I shud stop being friends wiv other girls’ bfs or maybe too close to them
6) wtf are girls threatened by other gals around their bfs anyway????
7) lots of things we do are perceived differently by others hence we shudnt try and convince others but onli ourselves and those that matter.
I also realised that my harmless(to me) flirting on the net has become something else. When u play hookups wiv peeps 'play' being the key word here.... they now take it for real. Like I was told some guy who I claim( na claim oo) to be married to on facebook, people are thinking we r together and someone actually said it authoritatively like he knew for a fact they day we toasted eachother. See me see trouble I mean me and this guy… na ocean sepereate us.. I for one don’t believe in love across the sea and we haven’t seen eachothe in like 5 years. Na all these talk thru msn, facebook and the occasional text constitute to goin out?? Na wa for gossip ooo. Mehn.. I bow for them…lol lol lolol
Anway sha that doesn’t even begin to affect me cos I feel the guy and I know for a fact we aren’t together.. at I know.. I hope he does tooo!!!!

All in all… I had a nice long sweet chat wiv my friend yday and by the time I dropped (that’s when his credit finished) lol, I was feeling nostalgic and homesick and I just wanted to go back to being young and carefree and just being amongst friends again..

Oh well I guess we grow up and this is what it does to u.
In 2 weeks I would be 21 and that’s a ripe old age…. Before then I hope to take stock of the last 21 years and make the next 21 years better wiv prayers, perseverance and changing my bad habits to good ones… maybe become less of a GEEK! Lol

Merry xmas and a HAPPY AND WONDERFUL NEW YEAR! GOD BLESS!

4 comments:

Zahratique said...

Hehehe! I will b 21 in about 4 weeks :)

Woah you mustve had a tough time with that issue! I was always neutral in high school cos i was scared... I didnt even belong in any clique, just did my thing on my own and it kind of worked for me.

Good thing you can look at it and laugh now eh?

zara said...

wow reLLI.. then happy birthday in advance.. hehe... yeah i had a tough time but i got thru it.. wat doesnt kill u onli makes u stronger.. being neutral sure works for me now! thanx for stopping by.

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