IN THE SPIRIT OF RAMADAN

In this month, all vanities are shed and the cloak of salvation is donned

In this month, we repent of our sins and pray for eternal salvation

In this month, we try to steer clear of anything that soils the angelic halo hovering over our heads.(sin)

In this month it is believed that the doors of heaven are open

and that of hell is closed and hence blessings rain down on all and sundry.

This month is the equivalent of the christian lent which ends with easter,

the end of this month is when grains are measured and giving out to the needy in Allah's name and the celebration that follows is called EID EL-FITR.

In this month, we reinforce our faith and belief in Allah and his teachings.

In this month, we be our brother's keepers, feed the hungry, cloth the naked and give the needy.

in this month, we pray, fast and be holy in hopes that we are blessed by Allah and forgiven of all our trespasses.

In the spirit of ramadan, I say RAMADAN KAREEM.

I did find!

There is a kandi song that says, "if u look deep enough, you wud find..." i did indeed find my listeners here in blogsville.



After putting up that last post and comments started coming in, i knew everything was goin to be alright.

I am better now, though i still havent found a way of making my friends listen,:( but a person doesnt have to be your friend to listen and give you good advice or a shoulder to cry on, i found that shoulder right here and am grateful.



To all those who left a comment, a heartfelt thank you, and to all those who read but dont leave comments, i urge u to do so, u dont know, what u have to say might be what i need to gt out of the doldrums. *wink

ok back to reality.... bba3 Starts today and i have no way of seeing it.. suxx!! been going to the website everyfive mins but nothing.. abi do i have the wrong website?? anywhoo.. am thank ful today, this is not thanksgiving and neither is it close to being thanksgiving, but i dont think it has to be before we are thankful abi?

so i AM THANKFUL!!

who listens to the listener?

I am at this very rare point in my life where all i want is for someone to just listen to me while i talk and talk non stop. not necesarily making sense but just getting my thoughts out in the open.

I am a strong individual, independent too but sometimes i dont want to be independent nor strong anymore, i just want to be dependent on someone, have some one cater to my needs, be able to cry, feel pampered and cared for.



why is that no one is willing to do that. i happen to be a recipient for all my close friends' and not so close freinds' woes but no one but my head and heart is a recipient of mine.



not that no one wants to listen to me, but when i want to start talking bout mine, they start talking bout theirs and demand my opinion and i am forced to shelve my problems and be totally interested in theirs and give answers and advices and genrally make them happy again while i wallow in my own misery and it probably would never see the light of day or get some form of absolvement.

woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, feeling all these feelings i cant even begin to describe, dont want to be with my boyfriend no more, suddenly discovered that i cant seem to see him as more than a friend and all that i blogged about before was just intial gra gra, and i dont know what to do, cos the guy seems to be falling even more everyday.

i dont want to go to the u.k anymore, i just want to go to naija and never come back. i just want to go home.
i dont want to listen to anyone anymore cos i have my own problems also and i need someone to listen to me.
talking to my brother on msn but he's too busy to even reply me and am all choked up with tears cos am feeling mighty emotional today. and am not helping matters cos i keep listening to all these sad slow songs and am sllowly tearing up.
maybe i shud just have a good cry and i would probably wake up tomorrow feeling much better.

i am 21 but at this moment, all i can say is I WANT MY DADDY!

the kingdom of heaven.

I woke up in a good mood today. never expected to hear all the sad news i heard.
my friend came over only to start crying telling me she just lost one of their close childhood friends to complications during childbirth.
I was trying to console her only for another to come in and tell me another guy just died in a car accident on holiday in nigeria.

I am quite flabbergasted at this point. what is happening? what are the young doing dying? am not insinuating anything but i thot the natural order of things was that the old died and the young was there to bury them and not the other way around.
am so sad right now, i dont know bothe people involved very well but the fact that they are humans and my age group makes me mourn their deaths because it could happen to anyone.

this has made me so vulnerable, because i begin to think, what makes me so different, why wouldnt the same thing happen to me if it is going to, they didnt do anything so wrong, death just happened on them.

this has been my reality check for the day and i think it is enough for a month. i have had ijoba orun on repeat eversince trying to get closer to God and repent of my sins(whichever it is i have committed;)) and hope that when it comes, we shall be prepared(even though no one realli ever is).

may the souls of all those whom we have lost rest in peace.
amin.
r.i.p bernie mac, never knew u would leave this world so soon and so young.

QUESTIONS!

i dont know why am talking about this, i really dont. like it doesnt realli matter cos bottom line is he has been caught right and is going to face the law.. but i still have questions about the whole thing.

what am i talking about? its the Austrian man who reportedly caged his daughter in a basement for 24 years.
i know there are depraved people running amok in the world right now, but this particular story seems to me a lil bit disjointed. am not saying he didnt do it, am not saying he;'s a lunatic who needs to be put away for the rest of his miserable life, but what am saying is how did he get away with it for 24 years?

the daughter apparently had a mother, didnt her mother know? or was she dead?
ok lets assume the mother was dead, he drugged her and put her in a basement for 24 years, except he kept on drugging her for those number of years, cudnt she have fought him back one day during those years, wasnt there anything in the room she could have used as a weapon, namely a table?

she had 7 kids by him, didnt the kids question why they had to live in an airless room someplace they had never been out of?

ok he took 3 to live up above with his wife, didnt the wife question where the kids were from?
didnt the 3 kids spill that there is a woman down below who has never been up here?


how come the kids conveniently forget about their life prior to them coming to live in the house and not give away the game for a long time??

lots of questions on my subconscious about the whole fiasco, but i guess i might never get answers to most of them.

i should learn to be satisfied that he is at least going to get punished, or isnt he? whats the update on his trial? anyone?

update!

its been a hot minuite.. or hasnt it? lol
i have been busy enjoying my summer, my classes(boring!) and my new found romance! lol
yes new found romance, took all of ur advices and added a lil of mine and bam! am in something i think could be worthwhile...
ok we finally opened to eachother(he actually brought it on) and admitted we had feelings for each other and decided to take a risk and if in the case of a break up, we remain friends(there is a pre dating agreement to that effect! not a pre nup..not getting married... yet! lol)

anywho, not much going on apart from that, and yes! i have an issue with food, i cant seem to be able to stomach anything these days. the thought of food makes me nauseous. i havent had a proper meal in weeks. the closest i have come to eating 'food' is indomie which isnt food in itself!

i survive mostly on fruits, juice and water. evryother thing makes me shudder in revulsion.. is it a psychological state of mind or some symptom of an illness yet to manifest itself(God forbid)

anyways am looking for that food that wudnt cause me to want to throw up, mite try pepper soup real soon, mite just help, only that it can never be as good as u would make it in naija where u have all the ingredients.

wats up with everybody now.. is there like a scourge of writer's block going around? no one seems to be updating their blogg oo.. only maybe charzzy.. big ups to u joo!

**figured i shud update soon**

what could this be?

Presently am faced with this very delicious situation and i dont know how to revsolve it. either ways that it goes, its still gonna be delicious for me.. oh by the way, i have discovered the identity of one very popular blogger, and am keeping it close to my chest, remember, we have a deal..hehe
back to my delicious dilemma, lol, i have been friends with this guy for close on 7 years now. our friendship started in ss1 when one of his friends decided he liked me, so he was trying to to intercede on behalf of his friend when i bounced the friend and thats how we became friends.

we have remained close friends and even when we both went to school in different countries, we still keep in touch, like he calls me from time to time and i do too and we always chat on msn or exchange text messages.

all during the life of this friendship, we have also flirted albeit mildly with eachother and it never like affected nothing but in recent times, this flirting has come to a head, meaning, that feelings have become involved in them,, am not sure if its on both sides but i cud say am 80% positive that there are feelings involved on his side too.

it has abecome a norm for me to not go to sleep till about 6:oo a.m because i have stayed up all night talking on the fone/chatting/text chatting with him

his friends also got curious and they decided to brainstorm as to who he has been talking to recently and they went on my facebook and decided that i was indeed worth the trouble. they also decided a few other things(even though they dont know me oo, ok actually 2 do..hehe),they also decided that i was a difficult girl who would never go all out and would rather reject than seek if there was something i wanted. they also said that i was loving all the attention and they adviced him some, which he refused to tell me, he only told me one which apparently, someone suggested he come see me in my place.

all thruogh this post, i havent anywhere hinted that we are dating now have i? good! cos thats what i want to establish, we arent officially dating but we, well i think we have passed the friendship level because we call eachother at night to give details about our days, we get angry when stuff are said and it hurts us(emotional), the flirting has taken a new turn and he's always telling me he loves me albeit making it sound like it wasnt in a serious way.

yesterday, we were chatting on msn and he started hypothetically asking me a question.. hypothetically speaking he said,: if two people are in a relationship and then they fall in love with eachother, and one is not sure how far the other has come in that relationship, and he says 'i love u'...
i didnt know how to reply to that but i said :"well he's saying that hoping she replies in the same vein, but he says ok then why are u(notice the deviation ,he uses 'u') afraid of rejection and refusing to come all out?"
and i say:"are we still speaking hypothetically here?"'
he says: 'forget the hypothesis, just answer my question"
i say: well because i feel if i dont come out of my shell, i cud always face rejection with my dignity intact"
he says:" u dont have to come out all at once, u cud do it in stages,"
i say: " i have never been able to do anything stage by stage, if i do something i give my all to it,"

well u can see the thread of our conversations and most days we are talking about something like which reminds me of beating around the bush.

thing is am not sure if i want to date him, am not a major fan of distance relationships and if we break up would our friendship still remain, is this a long term thing or is it just a moment thing, like when the spell is broken, we both realise we were just having fun, i really dont know what this could be, i cant even define our relationship anymore, another time i was talking with him, i said something in the lines of, am friends with him just like am friends with you and he goes, ohh u oh so like to stress the friend thing between us.. lol i have to confess am enjoying this, i dont know if thatmakes me bad, cos he mite be having serious feelings and i do too, but i know that if it doesnt work out am not gonna fell oh so hurt because i try to never give my all in anything, i need to overcome that.

i realli realli like him but dare i say i love him?
dare i give him more green light to make him fall for me more?
dare i risk our freindship for something greater and in the long run better?(if it does indeed turn out to be better)

lots of things i have to consider, until then am goin to enjoy my time with him, oops i have to go, his text just came in.. ciao!