Presently am faced with this very delicious situation and i dont know how to revsolve it. either ways that it goes, its still gonna be delicious for me.. oh by the way, i have discovered the identity of one very popular blogger, and am keeping it close to my chest, remember, we have a deal..hehe
back to my delicious dilemma, lol, i have been friends with this guy for close on 7 years now. our friendship started in ss1 when one of his friends decided he liked me, so he was trying to to intercede on behalf of his friend when i bounced the friend and thats how we became friends.
we have remained close friends and even when we both went to school in different countries, we still keep in touch, like he calls me from time to time and i do too and we always chat on msn or exchange text messages.
all during the life of this friendship, we have also flirted albeit mildly with eachother and it never like affected nothing but in recent times, this flirting has come to a head, meaning, that feelings have become involved in them,, am not sure if its on both sides but i cud say am 80% positive that there are feelings involved on his side too.
it has abecome a norm for me to not go to sleep till about 6:oo a.m because i have stayed up all night talking on the fone/chatting/text chatting with him
his friends also got curious and they decided to brainstorm as to who he has been talking to recently and they went on my facebook and decided that i was indeed worth the trouble. they also decided a few other things(even though they dont know me oo, ok actually 2 do..hehe),they also decided that i was a difficult girl who would never go all out and would rather reject than seek if there was something i wanted. they also said that i was loving all the attention and they adviced him some, which he refused to tell me, he only told me one which apparently, someone suggested he come see me in my place.
all thruogh this post, i havent anywhere hinted that we are dating now have i? good! cos thats what i want to establish, we arent officially dating but we, well i think we have passed the friendship level because we call eachother at night to give details about our days, we get angry when stuff are said and it hurts us(emotional), the flirting has taken a new turn and he's always telling me he loves me albeit making it sound like it wasnt in a serious way.
yesterday, we were chatting on msn and he started hypothetically asking me a question.. hypothetically speaking he said,: if two people are in a relationship and then they fall in love with eachother, and one is not sure how far the other has come in that relationship, and he says 'i love u'...
i didnt know how to reply to that but i said :"well he's saying that hoping she replies in the same vein, but he says ok then why are u(notice the deviation ,he uses 'u') afraid of rejection and refusing to come all out?"
and i say:"are we still speaking hypothetically here?"'
he says: 'forget the hypothesis, just answer my question"
i say: well because i feel if i dont come out of my shell, i cud always face rejection with my dignity intact"
he says:" u dont have to come out all at once, u cud do it in stages,"
i say: " i have never been able to do anything stage by stage, if i do something i give my all to it,"
well u can see the thread of our conversations and most days we are talking about something like which reminds me of beating around the bush.
thing is am not sure if i want to date him, am not a major fan of distance relationships and if we break up would our friendship still remain, is this a long term thing or is it just a moment thing, like when the spell is broken, we both realise we were just having fun, i really dont know what this could be, i cant even define our relationship anymore, another time i was talking with him, i said something in the lines of, am friends with him just like am friends with you and he goes, ohh u oh so like to stress the friend thing between us.. lol i have to confess am enjoying this, i dont know if thatmakes me bad, cos he mite be having serious feelings and i do too, but i know that if it doesnt work out am not gonna fell oh so hurt because i try to never give my all in anything, i need to overcome that.
i realli realli like him but dare i say i love him?
dare i give him more green light to make him fall for me more?
dare i risk our freindship for something greater and in the long run better?(if it does indeed turn out to be better)
lots of things i have to consider, until then am goin to enjoy my time with him, oops i have to go, his text just came in.. ciao!