Sunday, January 25, 2009

Am I a bad person?

I have been having this discussion with my self for a while now and I still haven’t come to any conclusions. I am torn.

The thing is right, some certain people come to talk to me about my friends, about their bad character and how something they did annoyed them. And I try to tell them they aren’t like that and it was a one off and blah blah, but by their countenance I know they don’t believe me and just think that am trying to stick up for my friends. My dilemma here then is am I supposed to tell my friends these things or am I supposed to keep it to myself?

I usually say nothing and this eats me up inside because am not sure if am supposed to actually keep quiet. Am sure these people expect that I tell them but I think if I do indeed tell them, wouldn’t that be causing unnecessary fracas/bad blood? Also wouldn’t they(my friends) think I had said something to egg them on because how else would they be so comfortable knowing am friends with them to keep telling me these things??

It’s a dilemma that greatly troubles me.

AM about to write my final exams as an undergraduate, wish me luck!


Temite said...

Goodluck Zara! Err You arent. as long as you dont join in in the critism. Although I believe the true test of friendship comes when you are able to frankly tell a friend what he or she is doing wrong...if infact they are doing something wrong.

Kemberly said...


I go through this too. You have to decide if the things you hear are worth bringing up because not everything that you hear is true and worth discussing. If however the reports keep coming, you may have to pull them to the side and tell them in the nicest way to change their ways cos people are talking.

Marjoram said...

All the best dear and lots of luck.
You are not a bad person.don't ever think that for a second.I suggest letting your friend know he/she is wrong,but do it with love though.

Anyone who has any other thing to say should tell your friend themselves.
Much love dear.!!

Saved Girl said...

Good luck pumpkin! great post, just preface whatever you are about to say to your friends with, "I'm telling you this b/c I love you and want to help you..not trying to hurt you." That should cover any side eye they may give you.

Buttercup said...

u shud just let them know what u heard, dont necessarily berate them or whatever..

all the best with ur exams sweetie!!

zara (my alter ego) said...

thank u guys! welcome marjoram and saved girl!


First off, best of luck with your exams.

I can see where you are coming from, but lets clarify some things. You don't want to tell your friends what has been said because you don't want to create more problems, and you are worried your friends will suspect you of 'putting your mouth in it'.

Okay. I can understand not wanting to create further wahala, but, sometimes your friends might have a right to know what people are saying about them or at least be given a hint that certain people don't like them, so that they can know how they tread.

Also, I find it interesting that you believe your friends could turn against you. Why is that? If you have good reason to believe that, then you might want to reevaluate your friendship. If a friend would get upset with you simply because you are giving them the heads up, then you might just be right to keep your mouth shut.

Hope all is well.