THIS WORRY IS MINE.

I MESSED UP i did something, i have never done and shouldn't have done. i have been beating myself up about it for the past 3 days but nothing is changing because i cant change time nor reverse it.

i made mistakes, but i cant turn back time. i can only hope to forgive myself. i feel filthy,unworthy of anything good.
i keep wondering what i could have done differently, i don't know, i shouldn't have gone out, i shouldn't have had that drink, i shouldn't have gone to bed, i shouldn't have.. lots of things i shouldn't have done, now i have done them and am stuck in this mind of mine which refuses to give up thinking and beating heart which refuses to stop beating so i could peacefully forget about it for eternity.
why cant i get hit by a truck and get amnesia? why cant i be one of those people who don't care? why cant i forgive myself?
why? why? why?

i feel anger, hatred and pity for myself all at one. am a mess of emotions and there's no hope of sorting through them and getting rid of some, i wish it was as easy as that.

i need saving from myself. am near depression, therapy is what i need, when does this day when i would get over this come? cant u come soon enough??

thank God am going to Nigeria, i need to clear my head, get away from all these forces pulling me in all directions. i need time to myself to heal, to become stronger, to forgive myself, to gain some new composure cos the old one is shattered,
i am going to be away for 2 weeks, my sister's wedding and am going on a journey of self discovery. i need to think, worry, cos this worry is mine.

back again

hey everybody,
used to be on this blog thing but got cold feet and left it ...
after going thru lots of posts again.. decided to come back.. oh well it doesnt hurt to have somewhere to air my hurts and boi! do i have a lot of them! anyways wud be trying my best to put things up but dont hold me if i dont.. we all are very busy people..:,)
my life so far..
hmm got a bf broke up in a month reason: not compatible.. (thot i really digged him then though silly)
got an improvement in my cgpa from the previous semester goody

had fun in nigeria during the summer got meself a bucketload of dates and wannabe first 'doers'
succesfully fended them off
wat else??looking to meet someone new, invigorating and interesting.. still waiting for that miracle..

hah!! how cud i forgot.. got snitched on by a freind worst thing ever.. i still feel somehow whenever i see her.. i mean how cud she.. taking an all girls gist to bois and now its like we talk about em or something.. ok well duh! we do but ure not innocent either!!

plus.. this is the big one.. another friend who i thot was realli close to me and realli cared doesnt reaalli care.. infact she cant be bothered.. yeah.. i just found out.. sad.. been down in the dumps for a week now.. i mean cmon if am paranoid or talk to much about myself there is a way u say not wen we r conferencing with other people and then u go.. hey got over urself already! the world doesnt revolve around u!! that was the harshest thing ever and i cant still get over it.. to y, u hurt me real bad.. am still finding it hard to forgive u...

got some new shoes am loving .. was surfing the net and i came across the same shoes on no other person than beyonce...am so psyched! lol

bang! right there.. thats it on her feet.. duh!! where else.. lol please scroll up .. thank u.. and btw.. mine is white.. just so u know.. abeg help me rejoice.. lol j.k

am currently loving..

bleeding love-leona lewis

give a chic a hand- mya(inspiration for my website addy lol)

hot-avril lavigne

crank dat -soulja boi